I stopped looking. I stopped searching for meaning. I decided to just let things be. I am lost and I am tired.
I’ve lost words on how i felt.
I stared at the waves crashing on the shore. For the first time in a long time, I was at peace. No phone calls, no emails, no deadlines, no scattered desks and not-good-enough ideas. Just me, the sound of children laughing, of music from speakers from friends who were having a good time, the blue sky and the waves kissing the shoreline over and over again. It felt great, almost magical how peaceful it all felt.
I tried not to panic as the sun started to descend. Sunset. Another day was ending and soon, I’d have to go back to my old routine. I’d have to face numerous deadlines, reports, campaigns and all the other stuff that I wanted to run away from.
Nobody every told you that you’ll have it all figured out at 22. The game has just begun and you’re just a rookie, a novice, a beginner- trying to figure out how you’re going to survive. But have you? No. And so was I. Still testing the waters and afraid to go further for fear of drowning.
I’m scared of comfort zones. Of routines. And I was also scared of not being good enough and not excelling at my field. All these fears have caused me to escape. Which made everything harder for me because the more I try to run away, the more my fears haunt me.
It was a scary feeling, like darkness churning your stomach and later on, swallowing you whole. I didn’t want that. So I decided to just let things be. To go with the flow. To face my fears head on and to fight, and continue fighting without running away.
I felt at peace as I sat there, watching the sun descend and the sky change colors from blue to orange to purple. I sat there wondering about tomorrow with a smile on my face because I know that no matter what life throws at me, I will hold on.